Our Sacred Scars and The Dreams of a Wounded Healer
Another dream, another cup of coffee, and another deep-dive into what it means...
It happened—just like before.
I didn’t know until I was pouring the milk into my late-morning coffee—again—that it existed or what it even meant.
1.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote to you about a vivid dream of mine that sort of chose my word for the year (ASCENT) and gave me several deep spiritual insights.
Last week’s dream was no different. I want to retell it as I remember it, and afterward I’ll share some pretty profound connections and meanings I took from it. This way, you can decide what YOU think my dream meant or reminisce about what dreams you’ve had with deep spiritual meaning.
So, here goes:
(Warning: Some may find the imagery ahead a bit intense.)
2.
I am moving through the city as my younger self, but I am hauntingly aware that there is something wrong with me. I feel more feeble and vulnerable than I did in my twenties. But I also feel wiser, more centered, more solid—more like me today.
First, I stop to soothe a ranting teen who admits to me that he has a gun and will hurt himself and other people if he needs to. He has in the past. I see the gun held in his hand, tucked behind his bangy jeans. He is pacing. I tell him it’s okay to cry and be angry. I put my hand on his wrist—right next to the gun.
Both are cold.
He flinches like a wounded animal.
Others are screaming at him. I try to see him—really see him. He looks at me with tears in his eyes. I tell him, “I’m not scared. I’ve been here before.”
(Sidenote: I worked with inner-city, at-risk teens for nearly a decade throughout my twenties and early thirties. I have seen teens with guns be tackled, seen blood and violence, and talked kids down many times from making serious mistakes—like self-harm or harming others. This personal history may be where this sequence comes from)
Instead of pulling the trigger, he bows his head and slips away.
I turn my back to leave for another street, and as I do, he is tackled by cops. He relinquishes his weapon peacefully. No shots are fired by either side. I am deeply relieved. I thank God no one is hurt.
I pray for his soul—his pain.
After, I feel fire ignite in my belly. Was it always there? My head rages with dizziness and fatigue. My legs are like over-extended rubber bands. I feel confused and panicked all at once.
Things become shaky, as if we are one of those small worlds inside a snow globe tossed on its side.
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